VOSS Water Gone Sour

When traveling, water can be trouble. Today I learned that having a bottle of VOSS water in your bag could be serious trouble. In its cylindrical glass container, VOSS water is not only artesian, but also trendy and overpriced. I only had a bottle because it was complementary at the Radisson SAS in Cape Town. Handling a bottle of VOSS is evocative of Nicholas Cage disarming a biological weapon in “The Rock,” and removing it from a carry-on bag is nearly as tenuous and poignant a moment.

“Sir, what’s in your bag?” An attendant asks after my boarding pass has already been flagged, and my South African entry stamps are off. “Did you arrive into the country on a domestic flight?” Pause – how is this possible to enter the country on a domestic flight. “No,” I reply. But little did I know that my VOSS water was speaking louder than I.

In a series of unlikely and incompetent mishaps, I managed my way through security. When I disposed of my VOSS water after downing it in one glorious and pricey quaff, I caused alarm when it clanked into the recycle bin. “Sir, what did you do with that container?” Recycled it, of course. Aparently despite my green shirt and green intentions, this was a bad move. I was questioned for five more minutes.